Archive of ‘Weight Loss Wednesday’ category

Weight Loss Wednesday #10 – Thank God for Awful Photos

Why would someone be thankful for an awful photo? Because it proves how far you’ve come. I swore the photo on the left would never see the light of day. Well, today it does.

Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday

Photos Courtesy of Mat Hayward

The photo on the left was taken around this time last year. When I saw the photos, I decided it was time to lose weight. It was another 9 months before I actually started to seriously do something about it. Now I’m proud to say I only have one chin!

I’ve seen a lot of success in my monthly check-in’s but today I was worried. I thought there was no way I could maintain this steady progress. To recap, while I had only dropped 4 pounds I managed to lose a little over 10 inches in 2 months.

The first month was just a matter of doing it. Creating a habit. Proving to myself that I was actually going to do this. The second month I dialed in on my nutrition and started to see results. What would the third month have in store for me?

I’m happy…no wait…I’m ecstatic to share that I’ve lost 9.25 inches this month alone! The scale has also caught up with me, too! In 4 weeks, I dropped 11 pounds. YES! In total I’ve lost 15 pounds and nearly 20 inches.

Non-scale victories helped me stay on track. Last week I celebrated being 6 months sober. No, not from alcohol but instead from fast food and Diet Coke. When I moved from Michigan to Seattle, I was lonely. I had no friends. No one to go out to dinner with. Not to mention I was oh-so-homesick. McDonald’s tasted the same here as it did back home. I ate and I ate and I ate. Then on March 17, 2014, I stopped. I wish I could say I don’t miss it but I do. Everyday. That’s how I know I’m an addict. I’ll always be an addict. But I’m an addict who overcomes temptation everyday.

The compliments are starting to roll in. People tell me how “skinny” I look. Let’s not get crazy. I’m not skinny (nor do I want to be. I’m working towards being fit!) but I am noticing a significant difference and so are those around me. Now’s the time I get worried. It’d be easy for me to start cutting myself some slack. Rewarding myself with a cheat day…or three. Instead, I reflect.

When I quit fast food, I never imagined I’d make it this long. When I started working out, I never imagined I’d stick with it this long. I’m proving to myself it’s worth doing. I’m motivated by my upcoming 30th birthday in a few months. More than that, I’m motivated to finish what I’ve started no matter how long it takes.

Life is bound to throw me curveballs that are out of my control. My journey towards getting the body I want is 100% under my control. My time at the gym needs to be my therapy. My meditation. My escape. My time in the kitchen needs to be methodical. Planned out. Delicious.

“Celebrate what you accomplish, but raise the bar each time you succeed.”

-Mia Hamm

Now is not the time to be complacent. Now is the time to work harder. Now is the time I prove to myself that I’ll clear yet another hurdle. I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this.

I couldn’t do this without my amazing trainer and friend Karen Burton. Be brave enough to ask for help. Be brave enough to accept it. Be brave enough to let Karen transform you in ways you can only imagine. http://www.karenburtonfitness.com

Weight Loss Wednesday #9 – I’m An Athlete?

Ellen Tailor CCFA Flag Football - 1

Look at this group. I’m the only girl among radio and television personalities along with a couple of former professional athletes. We all came together for a celebrity flag football game benefitting the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation of America.

If you live in Seattle, home of this year’s Super Bowl Champions, then there’s only one place to play football. That’s at the loudest stadium in the NFL and this little piece of heaven on Earth, Century Link Field.

Ellen Tailor CCFA Flag Football - 2

I was never an athlete. I was cut from my 7th grade basketball team and never tried out for “real” sports again. Instead I stuck with cheerleading and golf. However, I have the competitive mentality of an athlete. Determined, stubborn and willing to do anything to win.

When I found out I was playing, I was 100% stoked. Then I was 110% nervous! What the hell had I gotten myself into? Playing real life sports, on a real life field, in front of real life people, with real life atheletes?! Am I crazy?!

Ellen Tailor CCFA Flag Football - 4

I was sure I was going to make a complete ass of myself and the nerves only got worse the closer we got to game time. Once I was on the field, something came over me. I think people often refer to it as confidence.

I knew I wasn’t going to be the best athlete but who cares?! We were all there for a good cause and to just have fun. It was then that it dawned on me. I wasn’t scared because I knew I’d be able to keep up with the boys. I knew I could run back and forth for a long period of time because I’ve been working out. I wasn’t worried anymore. I was just ready to have fun!

God Bless ESPN’s Kenny Mayne for trying to make me the fullback to his quarterback. I don’t know what that means but the dude gave me a shot! It didn’t last long haha but I can now say that I got the chance to play with the big boys on the big field.

Ellen Tailor CCFA Flag Football - 3

If this opportunity had come up six month’s ago, I would have found a way out of it. I would have regretted missing out on such a cool experience which would have led to anger about being overweight quickly followed by a binge session at the closest fast food restaurant. As I lose weight, I’m gaining confidence and with that comes once in a lifetime experiences. Trust me, the taste of confidence is better than any Big Mac I’ve ever had.

Photos Courtesy of Iron Mike Savoia: http://www.facebook.com/SavoiaPhotography

Weight Loss Wednesday #8 – Why I Stopped Chasing a Number

I stopped chasing a number. Don’t get me wrong. The number on the scale needs to come down. I know this. However, when I first started on this weight loss journey it was only about the number that starred back at me every morning when I weighed myself. Now what I’m chasing is much different and these photos will prove it.

Ellen tailor Weight Loss Wednesday 8 Weeks Front

Week 1 – Week 8

Ellen tailor Weight Loss Wednesday 8 Weeks Side

Week 1 – Week 8 (Nice face, right?)

Ellen tailor Weight Loss Wednesday 8 Weeks Back

Week 1 – Week 8 (Yes, my hair is green. Yes, I did it on purpose.)

Now, before you continue reading, please comment below and tell me how much weight you think I’ve lost based on these photos. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

 

…did you guess yet?

 

Ok. What would you say if I told you that the scale has only gone down 4 pounds? You wouldn’t believe me, right? (Hell, most people can shit 4 pounds.) How can so little make that much of a difference?! I have no idea. What I do know is that I’ve lost a total of 10.25 inches.

If someone would have told me that I’d only lose 4 pounds after 8 weeks of hard work and clean eating, I wouldn’t have thought it was worth giving up my beloved Big Mac’s and Diet Coke. However, looking at these pictures I know it’s worth itBut we also have to adjust what we’re doing to get the scale moving as well.

Karen, my trainer, has switched up my workouts. Instead of less reps with more weight, we’ve lowered the weight and added more reps. This will (hopefully) create a more cardio driven workout as opposed to solely weight training. Her thinking is that perhaps my body is hanging on to the extra pounds in order to accommodate for the extra weight I’ve been lifting.

Admittedly, only 4 pounds is depressing but look at the difference! Also keep in mind that I was traveling for nearly half of the month. 10.25 inches all around is an impressive number but these photos are the most motivating for me. To anyone on a weight loss journey, my best advice is to take photos! I guarantee I would have fallen off of the wagon if it weren’t for these pics.

One day at a time and I’ll get there! And on the days I’m struggling, I’ll look back at these pictures and see how far I’ve already come and that it’s not worth it to give up now. I can do this! I AM DOING THIS!

Weight Loss Wednesday #7 – The Skinny on Ellen

My opinion is skewed. This weight loss journey is my story but I thought it’d be fun for you all to get an unfiltered perspective from the woman sees it all, my trainer Karen.

Karen After

“What on earth am I getting myself into?” That was the first thing I thought as I waited for Ellen to show up for our first meeting. I had never listened to the radio show but a good friend and former client emailed me and told me I HAD to reach out and talk to Ellen. When I listened to the clip from her show, every hair on my body stood on end and I just knew this was someone I could work with and help. I only ever take on clients that I feel I can truly make a difference for and she most definitely fell into that category.

“I hate running, I won’t jump, I hate cardio.” Way to make a good first impression with your potential new trainer! (Hence my, “What on earth am I getting myself into?” thoughts.) At first I worried that Ellen might be one of many people out there who think that just because they have a trainer and shop at Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s  that they should be losing weight like there’s no tomorrow. I was so relieved when she proved me wrong.

Now, lets get one thing straight, this girl complains at least 75% of the session and if she isn’t complaining, she’s rolling her eyes at me. The incredible thing about Ellen though is that she is working out the entire time she is complaining. She shows up every time, she does everything I ask her every time, she fills out her food logs, she checks in with me during rough times and messages me every time she hits some kind of milestone.

I flat out love this girl. We clicked from day one and she has given me everything from, if I’m honest, week two. (Thank you Steve – hot roommate) That is when we hit a huge turning point and she fully bought into the process. This is really one of the hardest things you can ever do. Only people who have ever had an issue with their weight can fully appreciate the 24/7 work that has to go into this journey. 

The progress with Ellen has been amazing to witness. Her body seems to have shrunk every time that I see her, the weights that she can lift go up almost weekly and the way that her body moves improves and astounds me every time I see her. Week one we were massively limited by her core being so weak that she could barely manage body weight exercises and now she is busting out sets of 15 squats with an 85 pound barbell on her back (admittedly complaining the entire way through the session.)

The only thing I would change about Ellen would be for her to be able to look at herself and recognize what a warrior she is, what an incredible job she is doing and see what an inspiration she is. I am inspired by her every time that I am in her company and I love that by her blogging so unapologetically honest about her journey she is inspiring others to make changes to their lives. 

Keep up the good work Ellen – it is truly an honor to be working with you.

Weight Loss Wednesday #6 – Trials of Travel

“Did you fall off the wagon? Why haven’t you posted an update?!” No, I didn’t fall off the wagon, although I was worried I might while I was traveling (hence no post).

The official title is Morning Show Boot Camp but really it’s radio deejay school. Personalities from across the country get together every year to network and share ideas. This year the conference was held in Chicago which meant I’d be spending time flying and in a hotel. How the heck was I supposed to stick to my healthy lifestyle with so many things out of whack?!

I’m barely staying on track at home. One small thing and I’m scared I’ll fall off the wagon I’ve worked so hard to get on. How was I going to travel and still stay disciplined? I surprised myself.

Ellen Tailor Chicago

First things first. I prepared as much as I could. I packed snacks in my carry-on bag that included protein bars, turkey jerky, and mini bags of almonds & cashews. Normally I’m frazzled before I get to the airport (mainly because I wait until the absolute last minute to pack) so I didn’t eat a decent breakfast. It would have been easy for me to drive thru and pick up a sausage biscuit but I’ve been fast food sober for almost five months now. Instead, I stopped by Starbucks inside the airport and bought Greek yogurt with granola, berries and an iced green tea with no syrup. I was caffeinated and content. Was I stuffed? No. But I knew I’d be able to hold myself over for a few hours.

During the nearly four hour flight, I munched on the snacks I brought and tracked it all on the My Fitness Pal app. The free app does all the work for me when it comes to counting calories. It’s synced to my FitBit, which tracks how many steps I take daily, and my trainer is able to log in to see if I’ve been staying on track.

Once I landed in Chicago my first priority was to get lunch. By this point I was feeling hungry and I knew my body needed actual food. By the grace of God, a place called “The Protein Bar” was located on the main floor of the hotel I was staying at. Not only did this restaurant list all of the calories on the menu, it also showed how much protein and how many carbs were in each dish. As a rule of thumb I always try to eat more protein than carbs in one sitting. Knowing I was under calories and without any idea when I’d eat dinner, I opted for a higher calorie option. However, that doesn’t mean I overdid it.

It would have been easy for me to stuff my face with a 600 calorie wrap because I was craving carbs! Instead, I chose a 300 calorie bowl of chicken chili and added healthy fats with a small scoop of Greek yogurt. I also drank a whey protein shake with almond milk (more healthy fats) that tasted more like dessert than anything! Now I’ll admit I had too much sodium but it was more important for me to get the protein and calories in than to skip a meal and gorge later.

The hardest part was cocktail hour. Ugh. There were tables filled with my favorite things EVER! Onion rings, french fries, and sliders. I longingly looked at the greasy goodness as it shined under the heat lamps. Maybe I’ll have just one. A taste. It wouldn’t kill me, right? Wrong. I know these are my downfalls. I know if I justified just a bite that I’d justify a plate then seconds. I’ve worked way too hard to fail now. I remembered what my trainer, Karen, said before I left. “Months of hard work can be undone in just two days.”

Throughout my trip I managed to maintain my calories and made wise choices. Choices that I didn’t regret. Choices that I was proud of. Was I going to be 100% on point? No. But considering the circumstances, I was OK with 90%.

While eating was my biggest concern, I also had to find time in a jam packed schedule to sweat. We were given a 90-minute lunch break. Before I would have scarfed down some food and napped. Now working out was a priority. I knew the hotel had a gym but wasn’t sure what kind of equipment was in there. I found a lot of machines that I had no idea how to use. I also found a treadmill and a bench. Now those I knew how to use! I did some hill intervals on the treadmill as well as step ups on the bench. As I walked out of the gym already sweaty, I noticed a small room that was filled with weights! I love weights! I had gotten the cardio, which I hate, out of the way, and was actually excited to pump some iron. Who woulda thunk?!

As I dripped in sweat, proud of the healthy choices I was making, I walked to the elevator. When the doors opened, I saw two men who were also there for radio deejay school. The old me would have slithered into a corner acting like I was too preoccupied with my iPod to talk to them. Something came over me though. I took the ear buds out of my ears, smiled, and extended my hand to introduce myself. Who was I?!  I believe what came over me is something called confidence!

I returned home from the conference with more pride than I can describe. I was convinced I would have failed miserably. I’ve never been more happy to prove myself wrong. Not only did I succeed but I knocked it out of the park! I’m doing this! 100%. No questions asked. I. Am. Doing. This!!!

 

Weight Loss Wednesday #5 – The A-Team

Change your mind, change your life.

Think about that. It’s not up to other people to change you. It’s up to YOU to change you. As I continue on my weight loss journey, I’ve noticed three key people who have been vital to my success. These three very important people have kept me motivated and on track. This get fit path I’m on isn’t meant to do alone. I admire, appreciate and genuinely love these people. My A-Team.

Ever hear the phrase “perception is reality?” I find that to be 100% true. So when a professional athlete, nonetheless a Super Bowl champion, asks if you’ve been to the gym, it’s quick to assume he thinks your fat, lazy, and out of shape. Even perhaps that he’s doubting your commitment. But being in this right mindset, I know that Greg Scruggs sends me these texts because he sees my desire. My want. My motivation to succeed and achieve my goals. And he supports me. He encourages me.

                   Greg Scruggs Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday 1 Greg Scruggs Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday 2

Greg. You were one of the first few people I met when I moved to Seattle. Over the last few months, we have become close friends. I only hope you understand the impact you have on those around you. The impact you have on me. I pray that I can be as good of a friend to you in return. I also promise to have enough food for you the next time you come over. hahaha. Now go get yourself another ring, Champ! #GoHawks

Two weeks ago, a great friend from college, Steve Smith, moved to Seattle and has been staying with me. Steve noticed the photo I have on my refrigerator. I keep this in plain sight because it’s when I felt my best. Halloween 2006. I was 21-years old and a senior in college. Ironically, this was taken at Steve’s house! He’s seen me at my best and now at my worst.

Ellen Tailor GVSU

We came up with a pretty nice roommate agreement. I cook. He cleans. I have never eaten this clean, for this long, in my entire life. Steve’s what I needed to get my diet right and my biggest improvements have come because of what I put in my mouth. I have energy to get through workouts and feel better than I could have ever imagined.

Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday Eat Clean

Thank you for being a great ManMate, Steve! You’re the positive influence I so desperately needed. I’ve looked forward to our dinners together every single night. Our chats about clean eating, relationships, and life in general has me opening up not only to you but to everyone around me. I didn’t realize how lonely I really was. I’m looking forward to building on this amazing friendship we have over the next few years. And Charlie wants to know when we’re going on another hike. ;)

Ellen Tailor Steve Smith Snow Lake Charlie DogNow here’s where I start to tear up. All of this positive change began with one person. One person who speaks to me in terms I can understand. One person who knows it’s possible because she’s done it. My personal trainer, Karen. While I believe in God, I don’t consider myself religious but I truly believe I have been blessed to cross paths with this woman.

In a month I’m starting to see a difference in my physical body. The biggest change has happened internally. I had given up. I was convinced I was going to be like this for the rest of my life. I was starting to accept that. But I met Karen and my world completely changed. I wish these photos reflected how much weight I’ve shed emotionally.

Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday Month 1 Front

Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday Month 1 Back

Karen deserves more credit than I’ll ever be able to give her. She is a friend. A soul sister. A beautiful woman who has worked really f*cking hard and inspires me every single day. Not to mention she’s saucy, feisty, and absolutely hilarious! I don’t know if my abs hurt from Russian Twists or from laughing so hard when I’m with her. I’m not into the mushy stuff. Neither is she. So I’ll spare everyone and continue to work hard and prove to you all just how much she’s influenced my life.

Whether you want to admit it or not, everyone needs their own A-Team. Be willing to let people in. Be willing to ask for help. Be willing to be vulnerable. The rewards FAR out weigh the fear.

To my A-Team: THANK YOU!

Weight Loss Wednesday #4 – The Buddy System

I’m insecure. I’m self conscious. And because of this, I only allow a few people into my inner circle. One of those people has become my personal trainer Karen. With her guidance I’m working towards overcoming both my physical and emotional insecurities.

The reason why hiring a personal trainer was the right decision for me is because I can’t work out in a group setting. It’s too much for me. At least it is right now. I don’t like feeling uncomfortable. Hell, who does? But working out in a class or a gym terrifies me. Perhaps it’s even a little bit of ego getting in my own way. What makes me think that everyone in the gym is going to look at me? They’re not. They’re focused on themselves. But you won’t be able to convince me of that when I feel like an elephant in a room filled with cheetahs.

This week I took one step towards overcoming an emotional obstacle on my weight loss journey. Like I mentioned, I allow only a few select people into my inner circle. Meet Alexis. My fellow displaced Michigander. My bestie. Dare I say it? My workout partner?!

Ellen Tailor Alexis SmithAlexis is an athlete. She played sports in high school and maintains a healthy active lifestyle now by running more than any normal person would ever imagine doing. I cheered her on at the finish line of the Seattle Half Marathon last winter and was envious of her runner’s high. No. I was jealous. Jealous that she made it look so easy. Jealous that she could finish such an amazing race. One that I couldn’t even dream of doing. She inspires me.

Throughout our friendship, we’ve gone on a few physical adventures including hikes around Western Washington. I huff and I puff and she never judges. Over time I’ve become comfortable around her. Comfortable enough to let her see me uncomfortable.

I invited Alexis to workout with me on my terms. Or should I say Karen’s terms. Early Sunday morning we headed into the gym to meet Karen and she put us to work. I couldn’t believe what happened during our session. Sure, there were some things Alexis was better at than me. But holy crap, there were some things I was better at! While Alexis can easily kick my ass in cardio, I’ve got her beat when it comes to weights.

While I’m not going to be the best at everything, I’ve discovered a bit of confidence both in working out and allowing people in. A guy friend suggested a group of us get together for a hike this weekend. A month ago, I would have come up with an excuse. Today, I quickly said, “I’m in!” As my measurements shrink, my confidence grows. I like that. I like that a lot.

Many of you have asked and yes, my personal trainer, Karen, is taking on clients. Comment below and I’ll pass along her contact info. I couldn’t do this without her!

Weight Loss Wednesday #3 – The Change Begins

I’m two weeks into my training with Karen. The scale hasn’t moved nearly as quickly as I’d hoped but I’ve never been more motivated because something better has happened. I’m noticing my body changing.

Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday

Fourteen days ago, I walked into the gym insecure, nervous, and not really sure if I was ready to let go of my security blanket of extra weight. Today, I can honestly picture what I’m going to look like when I achieve my goals. Losing weight changes your life and it’s something you’ve got to get in the right head space for. Mentally I think I’m finally there. Physically, I know I’m there.

On Day #1, I was struggling just to get through 20 step-ups. (Imagine stepping up onto a bench then coming back down again. Sounds simple, right?) Today I can power through more than I can count while holding 20-pound dumbbells. On Day #1, I was able to dead lift 55lbs. Today I was able to add 10 more pounds.

Hands down, my favorite things to do are squats and push presses. It works out my legs and ass not to mention I’m really good at it! So good at it, in fact, that I’ve been able to add THIRTY POUNDS onto each exercise in just two weeks. On Day #1, I was squatting and pressing 35lbs. Today, I cleared 65lbs!

I want to work harder because if I’m already seeing results, imagine what would happen if I gave 150% percent?! With that in mind, Karen had me run. Ugh. I hate running. But if it’ll get me to where I want to be, I’ll do it. Before I could barely keep up at a 4.7mph pace. Today I was able to run at 7mph.

These numbers to an athlete probably don’t sound that fantastic. To me, the girl who spent a majority of her 20’s saying, “I’ll start tomorrow,” this is a game changer. I’m achieving many non-scale victories that are boosting my confidence. I can’t wait to embrace my 30’s as the woman I’ve spent the last 10 years dreaming about. I’ll get there! I know it!

Weight Loss Wednesday #2 – Meet My Trainer

Karen Before

Meet Karen. A woman who walked the same path many women are struggling to simply get on. The path of health, fitness, and happiness. This was Karen at 260 pounds. She made the choice to change. She trained herself down to a healthy weight, losing over 100 pounds, and is now a Cross Fit coach and personal trainer. There’s no one better to coach me than a woman who’s been there and done that. If she can do it, I can do it.

Karen After

Look at her! To say she’s amazing is a true understatement! After hearing my story on the radio, a Fitz in the Morning listener suggested I meet with Karen and so I did. She opened her mouth and the cutest British accent came out. But more than that, she gets it. She knows where I am because she’s been there.

Together we made both scale and non-scale goals. She took into consideration the fact that I don’t like running. I’m self conscious of my boobs bouncing around! (We’d have to run a mile every Tuesday in high school and I remember the boys would finish then wait just to watch me. Little pervs.) Considering my hang ups, we’re focusing on a weight focused cardio workout. I don’t want to be thin. I want to be fit. I’m talking big booty hoe! I’m talking curves! I’m talking hour glass figure! I’ve got the shape, (somewhere) so move over Kim Kardashian, I’m coming for you!

As I chomped down on my salmon salad while having dinner with a friend last week, I explained to him that I’m not where I want to be but dammit, I’m going to accept what I do have and love what I’ve got. All of it. For the first time in my life, I believed it. And it scared the shit out of me.

I left dinner that night feeling great but the next morning I woke up and thought, “Why are you confident? You don’t deserve it. At least not yet.” Cue the downfall. I went off the grid. I didn’t fall off the wagon but I fell back into bad habits. I didn’t eat. I didn’t do the homework Karen had assigned. (aka I didn’t go to the gym on my own.) Sure, I didn’t binge but not eating was just as bad.

I had a training session scheduled with Karen the next morning which happened to be the 4th of July. (Remember that Karen’s British and doesn’t care about an American holiday hence the 7am workout.) I had mentally pushed aside what happened the day before but the second I saw Karen, I started to cry. All of the sudden I’m one on of those pussies I see on The Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. There’s more to this weight than the physical and Karen is quickly becoming more than my trainer. She’s becoming a mentor, therapist, and friend.

Yuck. I hate being mushy gushy. I hate crying. I hate showing feelings other than a happy-go-lucky girl. But apparently I’ve got to get in touch. Do I use my extra weight to build a physical wall to keep people out? I don’t like letting people in. Hence why I shut Karen out. Even if it was just for a day, that was one day too long.

I cried through that workout not because it was hard but because I finally realized I am going to do this and that scared me. I’ve got my head wrapped around eating right. I’ve got the right trainer. My body is responding great to the workouts. All of this stuff is everything I wanted! Everything I tried so hard for years to achieve. And now that it’s here, I want to crawl into bed and hide. What?! That makes no sense!

I’ve been this way for so long and I’ve only dreamed of being in shape. Being in shape is months away. Granted months of hard work. But I’ve dreamed of this for close to 10 years, if not my whole life. To realize life as I know it is going to change is terrifying. Even if it is a change for the better.

We’re focusing on a strength training cardio regimen. I’ve realized I’m really good at squats. I love the way my butt looks after doing them and more importantly, I’m good at it so it helps boost my confidence! I suck at running so we don’t do it. Karen is showing me ways to get my heart rate up by doing things I actually like. Wait, there are things I actually like in the gym?! Never thought I’d say that.

Ellen Tailor Day 1

The day of my crying workout, I found peace while doing squats and asked Karen to snap a few photos. I posted this on my social media sites not because I’m proud of where I’m at. Not because I want attention. But because I need to accept what I am now. I need to love me now. I’m not saying be complacent but I’ve got to love myself. And let’s be real, this will be a great “before” photo. I don’t want my ass to get smaller but I want it tighter. And I want that weight on the bar to increase, a lot! I want to be a beast!

It’s not about the number on the scale anymore. Although yes, it does need to, and will, come down. But I want to look like I’m healthy. No. I want to be healthy! And fit! And thick! (With a tiny waist, of course. HaHa!) And with Karen’s guidance, I know I can do this.

Weight Loss Wednesday – #1

In order to move forward, we must first look back. I’ve got to understand and accept why and how I’ve gotten to this point. Sad, lonely, insecure. A little over a year ago, I wrote an unapologetically real and uncensored post about exactly what raced through my head. Actually, I shouldn’t use the past tense. These words still race through my head. Below are a few exceprts from that post. (To read it in its entirety, click HERE. My Personal and Private Struggle with Weight, Body Image, and Self-Confidence)

  • The extra pounds I carry might as well be a neon lit sign shining brightly that screams, “I’m not in control!”
  • I’ve put off life experiences because I think I’ll be able to enjoy them more without this extra weight.
  • My weight is a physical barrier for the emotional wall I’ve put up, especially with men.
  • My confidence shield is just a show. Yes, I have a lucrative job. Yes, I’m an independent woman. And yes, I’m funny from time to time. But don’t mistake any of that for confidence. I’m not confident at all.
  • My outside, my fat exterior, screams that I’m scared, unhappy, and extremely self-conscious. That makes my inside ugly and weak and no one wants to be around that, including me.

Truthfully, I can’t bring myself to read the entire post. It takes me back to a place I never thought I’d be at again but after a rollercoaster of emotions during the past month, here I am. In my own personal hell.

I got in the right mindset. I got my diet right. I got back together with a trainer I trusted. A friend who I could I let my guard down with. But after less than a month, he stopped showing up. He stopped answering my calls. He completely stopped.

It makes me so sad. Why did he give up on me? I worked hard. Why didn’t he? My nightmare came true. Not only was he my trainer. He was my friend. And he dropped me. He didn’t care. He doesn’t care. Screw him. I care.

Below you’ll hear a clip from the morning radio show I co-host. This is the most real radio I’ve done, ever. Listen as I share about my recent disappointment and my cry for help.

So what now? After that clip aired, I was bombarded with messages from friends and strangers alike. I read every tweet, email, and text. I was overwhelmed but through it all, I discovered a couple of new potential trainers. This week I’ll be meeting with them and planning my new route to success.

This journey is about making yourself happy. The only way to be happy a week, a month, a year from now is to simply start today. Be happy with one day. Go to bed tonight knowing you accomplished one day because that’s all it takes to start! Just one day.

Please stay tuned for more “Weight Loss Wednesday” posts and in the meantime, you’ll still get what you expect from this blog. More “What’s Ellen Tailor Wearing” photos, favorite beauty products, and more.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.