What does unemployment look like exactly? As I write this, I’m sitting at a Starbucks drinking an iced Americano (yes, it’s Winter and I still like my coffee cold, do not judge me.) I’m doing my best Carrie Bradshaw impersonation. I made sure to put on a decent outfit, do my makeup, grabbed my cute bag and rolled into “work.” Confession, I went to the closest Starbucks to my house because I feared that going any further would give me enough time to chicken out and head back home. What is up with that anyway? Oh. Right. That’s anxiety.
I got to Starbucks and scoped out the place for the perfect spot to sit. The sheer volume of thoughts and scenarios that raced through my head about where to park my behind is shameful. It wasn’t until I started typing away that I noticed I’m right next to the gosh dang bathroom. Gross. I’m having flashbacks of first grade when my teacher sat me by the bathroom and I vividly remember gagging each and every time a disgusting classmate would stroll out of there. My seat at Starbucks just isn’t going to work. This Starbucks isn’t going to work. I’m unemployed?! A freelancer?!?! Shit! Is this what life is now?!?!?!
::sigh:: Must keep it together. I’m in public after all. Ok. Focus. On what though?! Well, I suppose it’s time I file for unemployment. Is that even ok to talk about? I’m embarrassed because well, the world led me to believe I should be, but I also know I’ve made the right decisions that led me to this spot. Ok, what do I do? Where do I start? Google “unemployment.” ::face palm:: Another person just walked out of the bathroom and I pretty sure I can see the germs flying towards my face.
Google pulled up the site I needed in .02 seconds flat. All that hard work means I need to reward myself with a quick trip to Facebook. ::20 minutes later:: I shit you not, I just saw a man with a baby strapped to him walk out of the men’s bathroom. I give him credit. How the hell do you pee with a kid?! (Clearly I’m not a parent.) I guess he does have the advantage of being able to go while standing up.
Ok…focus Ellen…ugh. (But I wonder if he washed his hands.)
Well. That was easy enough. After filling out the unemployment stuff the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Now I have facts that I can base my future decisions on, particularly in the finance department. Whoa. My anxiety made it out to be WAY worse than reality. I probably…no…I would have saved myself a lot of bullshit had I done this 5 days ago instead of procrastinting. Think I’ll learn? Probably not. But hopefully there won’t be a next time.
Here we go again. This time a lady walks out of the bathroom. Pretty sure she recognized me. ::Deletes just in case she did and reads this.::
So what’s next? I don’t know. And I’m ok not knowing. Never in my life did I think I’d say that. I’ve lived by things I “should” be doing and while it brought me moments of happiness, I can’t say I was happy. I feel like a kid graduating high school. The world is my oyster (what an awful analogy though, seriously) and every route laid out in front of me will be an adventure. Now it’s just a matter of picking which adventure I want to go on. (An ode to my childhood love of the Goosebumps novels.)
Note to self: the amount of people using the Starbucks bathroom decreases dramatically after 10am. Thoughts and prayers to the employee that gets stuck having to clean up.