In order to move forward, we must first look back. I’ve got to understand and accept why and how I’ve gotten to this point. Sad, lonely, insecure. A little over a year ago, I wrote an unapologetically real and uncensored post about exactly what raced through my head. Actually, I shouldn’t use the past tense. These words still race through my head. Below are a few exceprts from that post. (To read it in its entirety, click HERE. My Personal and Private Struggle with Weight, Body Image, and Self-Confidence)
- The extra pounds I carry might as well be a neon lit sign shining brightly that screams, “I’m not in control!”
- I’ve put off life experiences because I think I’ll be able to enjoy them more without this extra weight.
- My weight is a physical barrier for the emotional wall I’ve put up, especially with men.
- My confidence shield is just a show. Yes, I have a lucrative job. Yes, I’m an independent woman. And yes, I’m funny from time to time. But don’t mistake any of that for confidence. I’m not confident at all.
- My outside, my fat exterior, screams that I’m scared, unhappy, and extremely self-conscious. That makes my inside ugly and weak and no one wants to be around that, including me.
Truthfully, I can’t bring myself to read the entire post. It takes me back to a place I never thought I’d be at again but after a rollercoaster of emotions during the past month, here I am. In my own personal hell.
I got in the right mindset. I got my diet right. I got back together with a trainer I trusted. A friend who I could I let my guard down with. But after less than a month, he stopped showing up. He stopped answering my calls. He completely stopped.
It makes me so sad. Why did he give up on me? I worked hard. Why didn’t he? My nightmare came true. Not only was he my trainer. He was my friend. And he dropped me. He didn’t care. He doesn’t care. Screw him. I care.
Below you’ll hear a clip from the morning radio show I co-host. This is the most real radio I’ve done, ever. Listen as I share about my recent disappointment and my cry for help.
So what now? After that clip aired, I was bombarded with messages from friends and strangers alike. I read every tweet, email, and text. I was overwhelmed but through it all, I discovered a couple of new potential trainers. This week I’ll be meeting with them and planning my new route to success.
This journey is about making yourself happy. The only way to be happy a week, a month, a year from now is to simply start today. Be happy with one day. Go to bed tonight knowing you accomplished one day because that’s all it takes to start! Just one day.
Please stay tuned for more “Weight Loss Wednesday” posts and in the meantime, you’ll still get what you expect from this blog. More “What’s Ellen Tailor Wearing” photos, favorite beauty products, and more.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me.