Weight Loss Wednesday – #1

In order to move forward, we must first look back. I’ve got to understand and accept why and how I’ve gotten to this point. Sad, lonely, insecure. A little over a year ago, I wrote an unapologetically real and uncensored post about exactly what raced through my head. Actually, I shouldn’t use the past tense. These words still race through my head. Below are a few exceprts from that post. (To read it in its entirety, click HERE. My Personal and Private Struggle with Weight, Body Image, and Self-Confidence)

  • The extra pounds I carry might as well be a neon lit sign shining brightly that screams, “I’m not in control!”
  • I’ve put off life experiences because I think I’ll be able to enjoy them more without this extra weight.
  • My weight is a physical barrier for the emotional wall I’ve put up, especially with men.
  • My confidence shield is just a show. Yes, I have a lucrative job. Yes, I’m an independent woman. And yes, I’m funny from time to time. But don’t mistake any of that for confidence. I’m not confident at all.
  • My outside, my fat exterior, screams that I’m scared, unhappy, and extremely self-conscious. That makes my inside ugly and weak and no one wants to be around that, including me.

Truthfully, I can’t bring myself to read the entire post. It takes me back to a place I never thought I’d be at again but after a rollercoaster of emotions during the past month, here I am. In my own personal hell.

I got in the right mindset. I got my diet right. I got back together with a trainer I trusted. A friend who I could I let my guard down with. But after less than a month, he stopped showing up. He stopped answering my calls. He completely stopped.

It makes me so sad. Why did he give up on me? I worked hard. Why didn’t he? My nightmare came true. Not only was he my trainer. He was my friend. And he dropped me. He didn’t care. He doesn’t care. Screw him. I care.

Below you’ll hear a clip from the morning radio show I co-host. This is the most real radio I’ve done, ever. Listen as I share about my recent disappointment and my cry for help.

So what now? After that clip aired, I was bombarded with messages from friends and strangers alike. I read every tweet, email, and text. I was overwhelmed but through it all, I discovered a couple of new potential trainers. This week I’ll be meeting with them and planning my new route to success.

This journey is about making yourself happy. The only way to be happy a week, a month, a year from now is to simply start today. Be happy with one day. Go to bed tonight knowing you accomplished one day because that’s all it takes to start! Just one day.

Please stay tuned for more “Weight Loss Wednesday” posts and in the meantime, you’ll still get what you expect from this blog. More “What’s Ellen Tailor Wearing” photos, favorite beauty products, and more.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

9 Comments on Weight Loss Wednesday – #1

  1. coneld@plu.edu'
    Lacey
    July 2, 2014 at 2:24 pm (4 months ago)

    Thank you so much for sharing Ellen! I love reading your blog and listening to your podcast because you’re so open and honest. I feel like what you’re saying is exactly what I don’t have the courage to say. I too have begun a long weight loss journey and struggle with it everyday. I wish and want there to be a fast easy fix especially before the two weddings I’ll be in. But there isn’t. Like you I’m usually very happy, positive outgoing and funny but behind all that is this awful insecurity that brings me down daily, I can’t wait to feel confident in myself. I’ve lost 7 lbs so far! And I look forward to following you on your journey as well. Good luck and thank you again for sharing!

    Reply
    • Ellen Tailor
      July 3, 2014 at 9:11 am (4 months ago)

      7 pounds?! That’s great Lacey! Keep your head up sister. WE can do this!

      Reply
  2. mgreekchickie@yahoo.com'
    Marianna
    July 2, 2014 at 6:21 pm (4 months ago)

    Ironically, I read this article right after I read your blog post. I don’t know if you can say this is an “aha” moment, but what he wrote, makes sense to me. I think my next password at the FAA will be something along the lines of Stop@emotionalEating. Us Greeks love food, Ellen. We eat when we’re happy; we eat when we’re sad; we eat when we’re bored; we eat when we’re active. I can fully understand your struggle. I heard you the other morning talk about your struggles & it hit me like a 2×4. I also remember reading your emotional post last year. I face the same struggles. I hide behind my glasses & my weight. I am scared of changing either one because someone may see the “real” me. Hell, I don’t even know what the “real” me is! I’m living in status quo. I never thought I’d be that person again after leaving Texas & escaping to this beautiful state. This was supposed to be a healthy place for me… and it is… however, I still use & abuse food. You have 100% of my support. I know you can do it. Be thankful you have the means for a trainer & to eat healthy; for some of us, it’s not economically feasible to do either. I wish you all the best & will continue to listen every morning. xoxo

    Filakia,
    M~

    Reply
    • Ellen Tailor
      July 3, 2014 at 9:12 am (4 months ago)

      Thank you for the support Marianna! You’ve always been so kind to me.

      Reply
  3. stephaniehasselbauer@gmail.com'
    Stephanie
    July 2, 2014 at 7:50 pm (4 months ago)

    Keep it up Ellen! I am looking forward to keeping up with you on this journey.

    I think we all have feelings like this. We are always comparing ourselves and creating ideas of what people see us as. It’s just the reality of our world. I wish I lived closer to you because I could also use the extra motivation of a team!

    You are absolutely gorgeous by the way! Good luck and thanks for the inspiration!

    Reply
    • Ellen Tailor
      July 3, 2014 at 9:12 am (4 months ago)

      Thanks so much for the kind words Stephanie! :)

      Reply
  4. lgiggles73@aol.com'
    lesliw
    July 2, 2014 at 8:44 pm (4 months ago)

    Ellen, I hear ya everything you said I thought you were talking about me.every time I take a step forward it seems not only do I take two steps back but I fall right on my ass. I have hope for ya girl. Your young n strong you will make it

    Reply
    • Ellen Tailor
      July 3, 2014 at 9:12 am (4 months ago)

      YOU can make it too Leslie! I believe in you!

      Reply

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