The Limited, The Apology, & The Motivation

The Limited Ellen Tailor

This was the outfit I was going to wear. I’ve had it planned since May. That’s when I was first approached about a collaboration with The Limited to feature their new denim line. When the package arrived, I quickly threw on the high waisted, wide legged pants I had been not-so-secretly obsessing over. Like many women, the picture in my head of what they’d look like and the reality in the reflection were two very different things. It wasn’t the denim’s fault. It was mine.

The post was originally supposed to go live at the end of July. I had at least 6 weeks to get myself to a place where I could confidently wear these beautiful jeans. Like a miracle from above, I was told the post would be postponed yet another month. This gave me a few more weeks to lose some weight and rock this outfit. But then, life happened.

The August deadline had come and gone. I was embarrassed. Actually, that’s an understatement. Mortified because my lack of motivation has now not only effected me personally, it’s effected me professionally. With that said, I owe an apology to those I was working with for this collaboration. But I’m going to turn this into the motivation I desperately need.

This is the goal. This is my why. I will rock this denim. I’ve got a plan. In the meantime, check out The Limited and their new denim line. They’re currently offering $15 off AND free shipping so cash in while you can! Make sure to check out their accessories, too. (My chic cousin is a graphic designer for them and she turned me on to their versatile accessory line and I’ve been digging it ever since!) While these high waisted pants are my favorite, see a few of my other favorite styles being worn by fellow bloggers.

A photo posted by The Limited (@thelimited) on

A photo posted by The Limited (@thelimited) on

A photo posted by The Limited (@thelimited) on

Thank you to The Limited for partnering with me on this post. And for empowering me.

The Pic That Made Me Get My Shit Together

The day before the Hometown Throwdown I stressed about what to wear to our day long country music event. I knew I’d be taking plenty of photos and wanted to make sure I covered up my problem areas. Sunday came and Fitz surprised us with shirts.

#HometownThrowdown is FINALLY here!!!

A photo posted by • E L L E N • T A I L O R • (@ellentailor) on

What a sweet gesture! I put it on and noticed it was a lot tighter around my waist (my #1 problem area) than I wanted it to be. I was wearing a vest with fringe and thought that’d help cover it up. I didn’t feel 100% comfortable in the shirt but wanted to wear it because Fitz was kind enough to have it made for me.

I was self conscious the ENTIRE day but pushed those feelings aside and was so happy to meet so many of listeners! Hundreds of photos had to have been taken and most were from the chest up, thank GOD. Fast forward to Tuesday at 3:50am.

I woke up this morning and saw this photo someone posted on my Facebook page. What the HELL happened to me?! Sure, my waist is my problem area but that was not something I’d seen in a LONG time. REALITY CHECK!

EllenTailorWeightLossBefore

Was I off the wagon? Sure. Did I think I’d fallen off the wagon and let it run over me? Nope. How did I get so out of hand…again?! To Anne, the person that posted this photo, thank you. This was what I needed to get my sh*t together.

So what now? I’ve got a date with my trainer, Karen, TODAY. We’re going to work out AND create a new program that I can use with my gym (thanks Precor Home Fitness!) My DietBet Challenge also started this week, too. I bet $30 that I’d lose 4% of my body weight in 4 weeks. If YOU need some motivation, join the Challenge! It’s not too late. But this isn’t a plug for anyone or anything. I’m simply sharing what my plan is moving forward.

Thanks to everyone who’s been following my journey. It’s not always easy. Sometimes you mess up. Insert some profound quote here about falling down and getting back up again. Meh. Wish me luck on day one.

Weight Loss Wednesday #21 – A New Challenge

After experiencing it first hand, I believe in the phenomenon that is social dieting. For those of you that haven’t heard about Diet Bet, check out last week’s post here. Congratulations to everyone that not only joined the challenge but also won! The winners each took home $50 just for losing 4% of their body weight.

Many reached out asking if I’ll host another Diet Bet Challenge. The answer is YES! The challenge starts on Monday, July 6th. (Because let’s be honest, no one wants to diet during the 4th of July weekend.) Enjoy yourself but let’s all commit to getting back on track after the holiday. Join my Diet Bet now and weigh-in whenever you’re ready. Let’s make it clear that you are able to join the Challenge and weigh in anytime between two days before the game begins (July 4) and day 14 (July 20).

If you’re a returning Diet Better, I’d really appreciate if you’d comment below and share your experience. Did you succeed? What parts did you have trouble with? Is there anything I can do as a host to help?

And just because I feel the need to brag a little bit, (which I’m allowed to do since I’ve work hard, right?) here’s a random before and after photo. The picture on the left was taken about 10 months ago. I was working out but my diet hadn’t changed. The photo on the right was snapped just a few days ago. My body is completely changing after incorporating both diet and exercise into my life. (Side note: You can WIN the tank on the right by entering HERE. Drawing happens on Friday, June 26, 2015 at midnight.)

PS. Sign up for the next Diet Bet Challenge HERE & tell your friends. 🙂

Ellen Tailor Before And After Diet BEt

Weight Loss Wednesday #15 – Pop, Lock & Squat It

Ellen Tailor Weight Loss Wednesday SquatsSweatshirt, Nike (Similar) // Pants, Old Navy
Photos c/o McKenzie Mikesell // Llorrac Photography

I’m still at it. I promise. Look! Here’s a picture to prove it. 😉

This journey is a long one and sometimes private. I wish I could give you some juicy details but I’ve got none. To put it simply, I wasn’t inspired to write. There’s nothing new. I’m just in a routine now. I’m in the gym and trying hard to eat clean. Am I 100% everyday? Nope. Am I better than before I started working out? Yup.

I need something to reinspire me. Perhaps some new short term goals? You’d think with summer creeping up that’d be motivation enough, right?! Regardless, I’m still doing it. It’s just lost the new-ness of it. Does that make sense?

One thing I am proud of is that I squatted my personal best and have come a long way from just the bar. I’ve added 110lbs since starting. Now I’m squatting 145lbs! Got to work on my posture but damn it, I did it!

A video posted by Ellen Tailor (@ellentailor) on

I’d love to hear what helps keep you motivated? When you’re on a journey as long as this, it gets boooooring. Help!

Weight Loss Wednesday #2 – Meet My Trainer

Karen Before

Meet Karen. A woman who walked the same path many women are struggling to simply get on. The path of health, fitness, and happiness. This was Karen at 260 pounds. She made the choice to change. She trained herself down to a healthy weight, losing over 100 pounds, and is now a Cross Fit coach and personal trainer. There’s no one better to coach me than a woman who’s been there and done that. If she can do it, I can do it.

Karen After

Look at her! To say she’s amazing is a true understatement! After hearing my story on the radio, a Fitz in the Morning listener suggested I meet with Karen and so I did. She opened her mouth and the cutest British accent came out. But more than that, she gets it. She knows where I am because she’s been there.

Together we made both scale and non-scale goals. She took into consideration the fact that I don’t like running. I’m self conscious of my boobs bouncing around! (We’d have to run a mile every Tuesday in high school and I remember the boys would finish then wait just to watch me. Little pervs.) Considering my hang ups, we’re focusing on a weight focused cardio workout. I don’t want to be thin. I want to be fit. I’m talking big booty hoe! I’m talking curves! I’m talking hour glass figure! I’ve got the shape, (somewhere) so move over Kim Kardashian, I’m coming for you!

As I chomped down on my salmon salad while having dinner with a friend last week, I explained to him that I’m not where I want to be but dammit, I’m going to accept what I do have and love what I’ve got. All of it. For the first time in my life, I believed it. And it scared the shit out of me.

I left dinner that night feeling great but the next morning I woke up and thought, “Why are you confident? You don’t deserve it. At least not yet.” Cue the downfall. I went off the grid. I didn’t fall off the wagon but I fell back into bad habits. I didn’t eat. I didn’t do the homework Karen had assigned. (aka I didn’t go to the gym on my own.) Sure, I didn’t binge but not eating was just as bad.

I had a training session scheduled with Karen the next morning which happened to be the 4th of July. (Remember that Karen’s British and doesn’t care about an American holiday hence the 7am workout.) I had mentally pushed aside what happened the day before but the second I saw Karen, I started to cry. All of the sudden I’m one on of those pussies I see on The Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. There’s more to this weight than the physical and Karen is quickly becoming more than my trainer. She’s becoming a mentor, therapist, and friend.

Yuck. I hate being mushy gushy. I hate crying. I hate showing feelings other than a happy-go-lucky girl. But apparently I’ve got to get in touch. Do I use my extra weight to build a physical wall to keep people out? I don’t like letting people in. Hence why I shut Karen out. Even if it was just for a day, that was one day too long.

I cried through that workout not because it was hard but because I finally realized I am going to do this and that scared me. I’ve got my head wrapped around eating right. I’ve got the right trainer. My body is responding great to the workouts. All of this stuff is everything I wanted! Everything I tried so hard for years to achieve. And now that it’s here, I want to crawl into bed and hide. What?! That makes no sense!

I’ve been this way for so long and I’ve only dreamed of being in shape. Being in shape is months away. Granted months of hard work. But I’ve dreamed of this for close to 10 years, if not my whole life. To realize life as I know it is going to change is terrifying. Even if it is a change for the better.

We’re focusing on a strength training cardio regimen. I’ve realized I’m really good at squats. I love the way my butt looks after doing them and more importantly, I’m good at it so it helps boost my confidence! I suck at running so we don’t do it. Karen is showing me ways to get my heart rate up by doing things I actually like. Wait, there are things I actually like in the gym?! Never thought I’d say that.

Ellen Tailor Day 1

The day of my crying workout, I found peace while doing squats and asked Karen to snap a few photos. I posted this on my social media sites not because I’m proud of where I’m at. Not because I want attention. But because I need to accept what I am now. I need to love me now. I’m not saying be complacent but I’ve got to love myself. And let’s be real, this will be a great “before” photo. I don’t want my ass to get smaller but I want it tighter. And I want that weight on the bar to increase, a lot! I want to be a beast!

It’s not about the number on the scale anymore. Although yes, it does need to, and will, come down. But I want to look like I’m healthy. No. I want to be healthy! And fit! And thick! (With a tiny waist, of course. HaHa!) And with Karen’s guidance, I know I can do this.

My Not-So-Private-Anymore Journey Towards Self-Acceptance

#2I’m overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the comments, emails and texts from friends and strangers alike about my last blog. The outpouring, while unexpected, was both comforting and terrifying.

“You just literally wrote every word inside my head and heart. No joke. I could go into some long explanation but as you know, it’s not needed because those feelings you describe said it all.”

“Ellen, I soooo get you! I’ve had the same struggle most of my adult life and I’m 60 now.”

“Have you been reading my journal? I’m a guy and reading that was like looking in the mirror. I appreciate you. Thanks.”

“You are sooo my hero! You’re not the only one! I feel the exact same!”

A hero?! Wow. Some have put me on an undeserved pedestal. I don’t claim to be an inspiration because I haven’t achieved anything to be inspirational. (At least not yet.) Realizing now that many struggle the way I do, I’ve chosen to continue my journey publicly.

Selfishly I write because expressing my struggles releases the stress that consumes me. I write for me just like I’m losing weight…for me. I don’t write to inspire. I don’t write to get attention. I write solely to get the negative thoughts, the toxins, out of my body. A mental detox to work alongside the physical one if you will. If others can take something positive from my experience then I welcome you inside my crazy, scared, and hopeful mind.

It’s time for a new beginning. I started fresh. A clean slate. There was no judgement. No judgement at all in having to start over. There was, however, encouragement and understanding. With Anne’s help, we set up a new plan. We even took pictures.

That morning I had woken up early and took extra time to do my make-up and dressed myself in an outfit that I felt really good in. I find if I feel comfortable on the outside, the inside follows suit. But if I was feeling confident then why was I afraid to have my picture taken? These are going to be my “before” photos but the reality is that they’re my “right now” pictures. It’s a mind trip knowing that I thought I looked great but in a few months, I’ll shake my head and think, “Why’d I ever let myself get like that?”

I promise to share those photos. I just can’t do it yet. Hell. I can’t even look at them myself let alone show them to anyone.

Recently I went on a hike with a great gal pal. While she’s in shape, she also works hard to keep a healthy lifestyle. As we hiked I found myself quickly getting out of breath. Thank God I brought Charlie, my dog, with me. He had to pee every few steps which gave me the perfect excuse to stop and catch my breath. A piece of me was embarrassed then I remembered that I wasn’t going to be like this forever. This was the hardest it was ever going to get. As we walked and talked I realized, I’d been thinking seriously about losing weight for four years. I could have lost that weight FOUR times since then if only I would have stopped thinking and started doing! Talk about a kick in the proverbial nuts.

In a perfect world what would my idea be of optimal health? I can list quite a few things off the top of my head. No more back fat! Not feeling insecure about my stomach when I sit down. And not feeling like my ass jiggles 30 seconds after I stop walking. More importantly, it’s about living the life I’ve dreamed about.

We’re all so consumed about being selfless. What’s wrong with being selfish? I wrote my blog selfishly hoping that it would make me feel better. The impact was more profound. Bigger than me. (No pun intended.) It brought many different types of people together in the common struggle of self image. Women, men, young, and old, we’re not alone. “If you’re not happy with yourself, how will anyone around you be happy?” I think I’m starting to understand what they mean.

Here’s where I try to convince even myself…

This journey is about making yourself happy. The only way to be happy a week, a month, a year from now is to simply start today. Be happy with one day. Go to bed tonight knowing you accomplished one day because that’s all it takes to start! Just one day.